I can’t believe that today is the end of another week. It feels like this week just started, like I was just at home yesterday. I don’t get it. It’s my senior year and it is flying by so fast it is like a blur. I mean we are now more than half way through the semester which means we are just over a quarter of the way through the year, which means then end of my time at Ithaca is fast approaching. It’s kinda scary.
Spend a lot of time working these days. It’s kinda funny because i don’t have tons of work per-se, or womework I suppose you could call it, but i do a lot of other things. Yesterday I spent four hours working on Clear-Com in the Clarke because once again it didn’t work. I am not finished yet, but theoretically it should be the best it has ever been when I am done. (if it works at all…) It’s not that I want a break, or that I don’t enjoy what I am doing, it just seems like so much is getting packed into so little time. Plus now I have to start thinking about next semester which will probably kick my ass, but the goal is to kick it’s ass in the process and learn something useful for my life.
LIfe is just kind of intersting at the moment. I feel so disconnected from just about everything. I miss Bex, she gives me a rooting that i don’t feel when we are not together. I feel distant from people, and though i enjoy being here and in my apartment with my friends I often find that i don’t even know how how to describe it. It’s not like i don’t like sitting around and goofing off, building rockets or running through the woods chasing them down. It’s not even like i don’t feel welcom, because i do feel welcome, and i know i am, it’s just like a distance.
It’s funny, everyone except Allen is jealous of me, why, because i have a girlfriend, i get laid, i bring home the donuts. Their jealousy is kind of amusing most of the time. I am not too worried aobut Mike, he is the only one who is pro-active and actually dating, or trying to. Steve is trying to hold on to the hope that he and his xGF get back together when she returns from London. She will be living with us, which is fine, I think she is a good person, fun to hang out with. I Just hope that there sin’t any tension. Which is besides the fact that Steve is a completely different person around her. I won’t get into that now, in some ways i feel it isn’t my place. It just kinda bugs me that he moans and gorans about having no one right now, then he turns around and says well maybe we will get back together. I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, Steve is a great friend, and sometimes I wish that i could help him out, or do something for him, but I have a feeling he holds a lot in and won’t talk about many things. Actually, the past couple weeks we have had some good conversations across the room at night that we never really had before. I mean what, like two nights ago we talked for over an hour after we were both in bed.
I don’t want to be mister popular, I sometimes just feel like I am not the person that people go to when they just want to talk, but I am the person that people go to when they need something done. It’s funny how all this just kinda comes out, I am nto really sure if I am even making sense to myself. My Bex gets jealous when i make dinner for a friend whose birthday it is. It’s ok I suppose, but sometimes i feel like that is the reaction I get whenever I talk about any friends that i have who happen to be of the female persuasion. Maybe that contributes to some of the distance i feel sometimes, I don’t know.
We talk about life ahead, Bex and me sometimes. She has everything all planned out the way she wants things to be, it is such a great idea, and it sounds so nice. I wish that I could see things as black and white like that. I feel like there is so much that is going into what will happen in my life after school that I just don’t know what is going on. Boston sounds good, it would be a good place to be, I just ahve to find work, something to do in theatre. I just don’t see my pat so straight as Bex sees it, I wish i could, because I would feel so much better knowing what was going to happen, but really, how can we know?
Updated facebook profile, didn’t know what to say. I never do. Yet here I am blabbering away and not taking a shower or eating breakfast like I should. Or maybe finding those sound effects that I should have for the No-Bucks show that I said I would work on this weekend. Oh, and there is tha book that I am supposed to read for my Outdoor Adventure class, i should get on that too. Sometimes I wish that I could just step out of time and walk around all the people, look at them rushing off to wherever they have to go, and yet see them frozen there in a moment. Let me take that time to just let go of everything and relax, sleep, or whatever, and then just step back in and pick up where I left off. We spend our entire lives just drifting through time and space, it seems so random and chaotic, but i suppose with our limited understanding of the universe, it gets us from here to there. It is a daunting idea, the universe is a big place andwe are so isolated. Then here I am in a place with so many people and i often feel the same. Or feel the drifting motion without a rooting. I don’t know.
just of note, as i finish up this ramble for now, there is once again no mood icon for the adjective that I wanted to use…