Morning

I am not one to take back things that I have said, and frankly i don’t think i need too. I was a little confused when i woke up this morning to my phone ringing, i suppose it isn’t entirely common, though it happens every now and then. I think i was kind half awake because i was wondering what I was doing awake at the time, i am not usually up at 7, but it happens.

Anyway, to start, i think that I should say, take the things that I write here not as personal attacks. I am not one to try to hurt people or make them upset, and it seems that so many time i am misread or misunderstood. Frankly, when i am writing, i don’t always think about what I am saying, but i do not intend for it to make anyone upset.

With that said, the phone call was my concerned girlfriend that because of what i had written here, thought that I didn’t like her any more. Well, this is not true. I know that i talk about how there are things that bug me, but i am certainly not trying to make her look like a bad person, on the contrary, she is quite and amazing person, and it seems that not enough people tell her that. I’ll tell you one thing, and you can’t tell my parents, she is a better student than I, gets better grades, where my GPA is what, 0.03 or something below what i need to keep the scholarship i had. She is smart and pretty, and she has the cutest dainty little fingers, compared to my fatty fingers. It has been a week over two years, almost another week (i still can’t believe how fast the time is going by), and I certainly don’t want to come off as wanting to “get rid” of her. Look, its hard being 300 miles apart for most of the year, and i know that it is hard to go home or back to school after being together, and it is a lot harder on the short trips than the long, but it is how it is right now.

Do I want to live with her after school? Yes
Do I have any idea what i will be doing after school? No
Does this mean i don’t lover her? No
Do Wish I had an answer for every one of her questions that would make her happy? Yes

When i got off the phone this morning it kinda made me feel like a bad person, like she deserves someone better than me. I just want her to be happy, and i hope that it can continue to be with me. Who listens to me anyway? Very few people it seems, i mean just the other day i was sitting and talking with a couple people and when i finished, one turns to me, and says “Don’t take this the wrong way, but were you still talking?” I mean i just kinda shrug it off, and believe me, i don’t expect people who just stumble across my journal to really listen to me.

I also spend a lot of time apologizing for things where i didn’t think I did anything wrong, story of my life. But, I am sorry to those who feel like they may have been hurt by anything i have said here, to one person in particular, but to anyone else who may feel that as well. To Bex, i don’t want to leave you, not planning on it, i hope you feel the same.


Now I suppose i get on with my day, i suppose that, knowing me I will file this all away, and not worry about it. I won’t let it drag me down. This is not to say i won’t remember. Today is another fun filled day in the land of theatre, so off we go i suppose.

9 Comments

  1. Ben

    I was happy to find myself mentioned in your post. By my interpretation, FWIW, connecting with old friends is a good thing (clearly that was your only point in the matter). I read nothing that I can imagine would naturally be construed as an attack on Becca. In fact, given the instance with the purple shoelaces, I’d like to think visiting Dartmouth would be fun trip for both of you.

  2. I read the whole thing. Regardless of how you didn’t come to my ONR or call me or even IM me and ask how it went. I’m not thrilled with you right now, I won’t lie, but you’re not the only one and I can’t blame the whole world hating me on you, but I can still put that aside and say that I do care. That you are a good friend and that I listen to every word. Sometimes you do babble… ok, you do it all that time, but I’m not perfect either, and every now and then you say something hilarious in your spcheils and it makes it all worth it. So, yeah. There. I listened. You are a great person and you deserve her as much as she deserves you. Don’t put yourself down that way and don’t ever let go of something cause you don’t think it wants you. You’re right for holding on. Good Luck.

  3. Well chalk another one up for the crowd not happy with me. Awesome. I was on till like 1 last night, never saw you come online or i would have IMd you, but it's ok. Sorry.

    • speaking of IMs, you are the one that blocked me and I have tried to stay in touch with you.

      • i use adium, i can’t block people, it is not a feature of the program

  4. I couldn’t reply to my post. Thanks for the email, I had thought once you were still on my other sn but not on my main so I assumed you blocked me and I ttok yours off.

  5. Some of us do care but don’t even pass the screening.

    • i’m lazy, leave me be 😉

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