Happy mother’s day Mom!

I have to saw, I have an awesome mother.  Sure, there have been and probably will continue to be times that we don’t see eye-to-eye, but never the less, I love my mother.

Of particular note, this year she qualified for and ran the Boston Marathon.  Not only did she run the marathon, but she ran it is a great time.  I was a little bummed that I couldn’t be there to stand out on Comm Ave near my grandparent’s house like we used to do on marathon day when we were kids.

My mother does lots of cool things.  She has done some pretty cool trips in the past few years.  She has ridden the Trans-Siberian Railroad, gone to somewhere in Africa (I forget which country), and most recently Patagonia.  I hope that at some point I will be able to do things like that.

Of course really the important thing is that I have to thank my mother for the fact that I am ever here to write this.  I do my best to make my mother proud every day.  I know that there are things that I do a certain way because that is how I learned it from my mother.  The biggest thing I think that I have not done that my mother wants me to do is get a haircut.  I probably could use one, but not short like she think she wants.  It’s my hair, I’ll wear it how I want.

So, with that, here is to my mother!

This is a traditional greeting for the Jewish High Holidays (Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur).  For those who live with their heads in the ground (though this is probably no one who reads blogs) or just don’t live places with a large Jewish community, today was Yom Kippur, the closing holiday of the High Holidays.  It is a day of repentance, atonement, and remembrance.  Many Jews will mistakenly tell you that it is the most important holiday on the Jewish calendar.  While it is good that people  think this, I do think it is part of the problem with what I call “once-a-year” Jews.  Cest La vie, everyone should observe their religion in their own way, I have just always thought it was goofy to only come to services at this time of year.

The High Holidays are a time to reflect on the past year and try to make the new year better.  It is also a time of great pomp and circumstance at most synagogues.  It is probably the only time of year that most synagogues require you to have tickets to get in the door and a pass to park in the parking lot.  Some congregations go so far as to have reserved seating and getting seats closer to the front “costs” more (in dues or donations).

The Holidays are also a time when congregations give honors to people, usually people who have either given of themselves or given money.  I do a lot of volunteer work to help with organizing and leading services, especially over the past six months while we were looking for a new Rabbi.  Also, during the holidays my shul runs both a conservative and reform service, but we only have one rabbi and cantor so I was asked to help lead parts of both services (on different days).  I am happy to help, I feel like it makes the holidays mean a little more to me, knowing that I am helping others have a good experience with them.

So this year I get my package with my tickets and parking passes and such, and included in that are two additional pages.  Both are notifications of honors that the congregation gave to me.  The first, however, was for the part of services that I was asked to lead.  I would not really have thought too much about it save fore the fact that it was the same form letter used for the other honor that I was given.  Leading services was something that I volunteered to do, the other honor was given to me as recognition.  Both letters, in the same envelope, asked that I make a donation in recognition of these honors.

This is the thing that gets me every year, I give of myself because I don’t really have money to give, I volunteer to do things like lead services because the congregation needs help, and then twice in one fell swoop they are asking for more money?  Tradition or not, it bugs me that this is how it works.  The people who they honor who give money will most likely continue to give whether you ask as part of the honor or not.  I understand the thought process, but it has never sat well with me.

All that aside and despite the fact that I had to race to work after all of the High Holiday services, I felt good about the holidays this year.  As I said before, helping to lead services, helping to facilitate the prayers of others makes the holidays mean much more to me.  In both Jewish tradition and in my personal life, music means a lot.  Leading a congregation in song is one of the highest forms of prayer.  It was a beautiful service this morning, and walking out knowing that the congregation felt good about  the service is a nice feeling.

My mother likes to remind me that it is never to late to become a rabbi or cantor.  While I enjoy studying my religion, I am not sure if that is for me.  I have said before on this blog that I don’t know if I could really be a spiritual leader full time.  I think the way that I have balanced my life works pretty darn well.

I am kind of backlogged with posts.  We overlooked the fact that Bloggerstock fell on Memorial Day for those of us living in the USA.  It isn’t actually Memorial Day anymore as I write this, but I thought that I should get it down while the idea was fresh.  So, it is a belated Memorial Day post, and forgive me if I use the wrong tenses when referring to things in this post as I am probably not really thinking about it in relation to when it will actually be posted.

After catching up with a friend for the better part of the afternoon on Memorial Day I headed home and flipped on the television.  Of the programs that were worth watching, all of them were war related.  It made sense.  Memorial Day is a day set aside to remember those who gave their lives for our country.  Most countries in the world have similar national holidays.  It is probably the most honorable of all the national holidays that we have in the USA, and yet by many it is probably one more that gets overlooked or thought of as just another day off from school.

The men an women that we commemorate on on this day deserve our respect as do all the men and women currently in the service of the nation.  They fought and are fighting to preserve the ideals that make up our way of life.  They are there no matter what the threat, be it war or natural disaster.  They are certainly brave and giving souls.

However, when I sit and really think about it, I always come back to the question of why.  Why do we humans have to wreak such terrible conflicts across the globe?  Why do we, for whatever reason, always think that we are better than the next person?  What makes “us” right and “them” wrong?  I mean, when you really think about it, the people who are “right” are really just the people with the best fighting force, the people who “win.”  How is it that in reality the side with the bigger and better army and weapons is the side that is right?  Obviously in any conflict, both parties THINK they are right, otherwise there wouldn’t be a conflict.  Thus, why?

Then of course you have the people who are anti-war, the pacifists, the people who just generally disagree with the government, the people who seek peaceful solutions, and a whole host of other groups.  They all think they are right.  The “peaceful protester” thinks that his methods are better than the “normal protester” or the riotous crowd.  And of course that there is just the seeds of conflict among people who may actually be “fighting” for ultimately the same cause.

It doesn’t really matter who you are, I think that we are all guilty of thinking that we are in the right and someone else is in the wrong.  Sure, there are probably time when this is true, however, there are most likely times that we have been in arguments or fights with people where both sides could equally justify their position as right.  There are few things outside of math and science that actually have a clear right and wrong answer.  Our day-to-day assessments of right and wrong are based on the moral code that we each live by.  However, my moral code is not exactly the same as anyone else’s yet there are many people who would tell me that my morals are wrong.  What makes your moral code better or more “right” than mine?

Why can’t we really just accept that everyone is an individual and that we cannot all fit in the same mold?  I guess really I just find it unfortunate that we have such a need for a holiday like Memorial Day.  While we should always remember and honor those who gave their lives in our defense, I would hope that some day in the future we will be able to stop adding names to the list of people to commemorate.

It isn’t that I was busy yesterday so much that I was sleeping in after partying late after closing the show.  I did have to work for a little bit yesterday, but nothing crazy.  Of course, my phone also crashed yesterday which was a big pain in the ass.  I mean, it isn’t that hard to restore an iPhone, but when you run a jailbroken phone you have to go back and install all the non-Apple stuff.  (It is totally worth it though).

So, late yesterday afternoon I finally got a chance to call my mother to say “Happy Mother’s day.”  While I am sure that it made her happy, she didn’t really care.  She was more interested in the fact that I had called and that we could catch up on  things.  It’s not like I don’t call my parents a couple times a week, I just thought it was interesting.  At the time, they were in the car on the way home from New Hampshire, so later on in the evening I got the following email from my mother:

“I wanted to say something about mother’s day but I forgot when we were talking today and my phone battery was dying.

“For me, every day is mother’s day. I have three amazing kids and I feel honored by you guys every day and by everything you do. (Also, I pat myself on the back, and daddy too, that you are such great kids). I guess many mother’s need a day. Or at least Hallmark and florists/restaurants need a day – but I am so proud of you, Dan, and Leah all the time it makes every day my day.”

This, of course, made me think back to mine and my siblings b’nei mitzvot when my mother told us that if people asked us “Are you proud of your sibling today?”  We should say: “I am proud of my siblings every day!”  I don’t know if I truly felt that way then, but I certainly do now.

I agree with my mother on this one.  While in some respects it is nice to have a day to celebrate mothers, how much do we really need it?  I mean, everyone should be honoring their parents every day!  We should be thankful to our parents for bringing us into the world and giving us a chance at life all the time.  I think if we keep that in mind then everything we do will always honor our parents!

As with so many holidays, Mother’s and Father’s day have gone from having real significance to being complete “Hallmark” holidays.  They are now just excuses for companies to make and market products that are holiday-centric.  You shouldn’t need an excuse to send your mother a card or bring over flowers.  You shouldn’t even need an excuse to call home just to say hi!  It also shouldn’t cost you anything or require any additional work out of your day to make your parent’s proud of you.

There is no greater compliment or pat on the back than a note like the one my mother sent me.  The fact that my siblings and I make her proud and happy every day means that not only did we do something right, but so did she!  So, don’t wait for an excuse, make every day Mother’s and Father’s Days!