I am not one to take back things that I have said, and frankly i don’t think i need too. I was a little confused when i woke up this morning to my phone ringing, i suppose it isn’t entirely common, though it happens every now and then. I think i was kind half awake because i was wondering what I was doing awake at the time, i am not usually up at 7, but it happens.
Anyway, to start, i think that I should say, take the things that I write here not as personal attacks. I am not one to try to hurt people or make them upset, and it seems that so many time i am misread or misunderstood. Frankly, when i am writing, i don’t always think about what I am saying, but i do not intend for it to make anyone upset.
With that said, the phone call was my concerned girlfriend that because of what i had written here, thought that I didn’t like her any more. Well, this is not true. I know that i talk about how there are things that bug me, but i am certainly not trying to make her look like a bad person, on the contrary, she is quite and amazing person, and it seems that not enough people tell her that. I’ll tell you one thing, and you can’t tell my parents, she is a better student than I, gets better grades, where my GPA is what, 0.03 or something below what i need to keep the scholarship i had. She is smart and pretty, and she has the cutest dainty little fingers, compared to my fatty fingers. It has been a week over two years, almost another week (i still can’t believe how fast the time is going by), and I certainly don’t want to come off as wanting to “get rid” of her. Look, its hard being 300 miles apart for most of the year, and i know that it is hard to go home or back to school after being together, and it is a lot harder on the short trips than the long, but it is how it is right now.
Do I want to live with her after school? Yes
Do I have any idea what i will be doing after school? No
Does this mean i don’t lover her? No
Do Wish I had an answer for every one of her questions that would make her happy? Yes
When i got off the phone this morning it kinda made me feel like a bad person, like she deserves someone better than me. I just want her to be happy, and i hope that it can continue to be with me. Who listens to me anyway? Very few people it seems, i mean just the other day i was sitting and talking with a couple people and when i finished, one turns to me, and says “Don’t take this the wrong way, but were you still talking?” I mean i just kinda shrug it off, and believe me, i don’t expect people who just stumble across my journal to really listen to me.
I also spend a lot of time apologizing for things where i didn’t think I did anything wrong, story of my life. But, I am sorry to those who feel like they may have been hurt by anything i have said here, to one person in particular, but to anyone else who may feel that as well. To Bex, i don’t want to leave you, not planning on it, i hope you feel the same.
Now I suppose i get on with my day, i suppose that, knowing me I will file this all away, and not worry about it. I won’t let it drag me down. This is not to say i won’t remember. Today is another fun filled day in the land of theatre, so off we go i suppose.