It is that time again. Bloggerstock is here and this time we have expanded beyond the ten founders of the event. Personally, I have been quite impressed with the turnout, and how easy it was to really keep things organized. I shouldn’t dawdle on that subject though, that is not the purpose of this post!
In an ironically convenient twist of fate, the bloggerstock post date falls on a Monday, which suits the theme that I sometimes have for Mondays, “Mondays on Music.” So, here to tell you a little bit about personal theme songs is Susie Q from Out of the Ordinary. Susie Q is a blogger who doesn’t hesitate to just lay it all out there. Her blog has recently moved, but if you track down her old one, you can see she has been at it for a while. She is days away from graduating from uni, and has just lined up a great job. If you like to read life unedited, you might enjoy reading Susie Q.
If you are looking for my post, you can find it over on That Ain’t Kosher.
Without further ado, I give you Susie Q!
Hello peeps, Susie Q here! I am guest posting here on Alex’s blog today after Bloggerstock enticed me to do a blog swap! If you haven’t checked it out already, click on the link and see what’s going on! Basically it’s a ring of bloggers who all love taking using and abusing other people’s personal space. 🙂 Nah, it’s a great way of discovering new bloggers and readers.
Every month there’s a new topic that all the bloggers will write about. Then all these bloggers are muddled up and write on other people’s blogs. It’s not just a simple swap of “you write on mine and you write on mine” but all blogs link together. Like, I’m here on Alex’s space and I have received a wonderful post from Michael. You can read his post right here. Go ahead, click.. It’s a good one!
When I heard the theme for this month’s bloggerstock, the first thought that came to my mind, was *zomgh* am I meant to know what my theme song is? But I don’t listen to music unless it’s pounding in my ear as I’m doing my daily run!
But as I thought about it, it did become very clear what my theme song is. It’s the one song that gives me that tingly feeling in my tummy as it comes on. It’s the one that makes my heart skip a beat as it plays on my iPod.
Now, I have to tell you; there is a backstory to the song. Basically, my ex left me two years back. He left me while I was at work; he must’ve started packing as soon as I left. Imagine my surprise as I came home in the early hours of the morning! He did come in the next morning to explain but the damage was already done. It hurt. It was the betrayal that I cried about, not the ending of a year-long relationship.
So I went to my safe-place, where I felt happy. I pulled out my Tori Amos cd’s and stuffed myself full of ice-cream all the while whining about how terrible my life was. I trawled the internet for relationship advice (cos the internets knows it all y’all!) and my search led me to youtube. It ended up being a pointless link that had nothing to do with relationships. It was this girl doing hip rolls. (search it if you don’t know what they are. If done right, it looks so sexy!) I was just about to close the screen as the music came on. ‘Ice Box’ by Omarion. And the melody caught me immediately. And I sat there and started feeling better. The song was all about the break-up. The lyrics were about the break-up. EVERYTHING in the whole wide world was about the breakup!
“I got this ice box where my heart used to be … Why can’t I get it right? Just can’t let it go/I opened up, she let me down, I won’t feel that no more/I got memories, this is crazy/She ain’t nothin’ like the girl I used to know”
And that’s how it stayed for a long time. Every time I heard the song, it reminded me of him. Every time it played, I would go to that sad time in my life. Up until a few months ago even. And that’s when it all changed.
You see, I’ve been called the ‘Ice Queen’ by some. Because unless you’re in my inner circle, you would not know that I have emotions. I do not talk about problems, I hide them like a secretive mole. I don’t cry in front of people, and even smiles have been few and far between. And it’s because I’ve been hurt in the past.. “Just can’t let it go/I opened up, she let me down, I won’t feel that no more” So there I was, listening to this song again. And I realised; I am no longer THAT GIRL. I no longer drag my past with me. This song no longer reminds me of the ex. Now reminds me of the past. It reminds me of how far I have come.
“She ain’t nothin’ like the girl I used to know” Yeah, I am nothing like the girl you used to know. I’m stronger, wiser and unfortunately older. I am who I am and where I am because of what has happened in the past, not despite that. But sometimes, just sometimes it’s quite nice to jump deep in the pool of the past. So here you go guys; my past.
Thank you Alex for letting me invade your personal space, I enjoyed it! Now people, get clicking!